Wisconsin SBDC eLearning Center

How To Avoid Low-Quality Men!

by Dirk Kozloscky

Ladies, there are a million and one reasons why certain women need to raise their standards in men.  Some are because women should still be demanding equality in the sexual dating market.

There are many, many men left out there who want to “have their cake and eat it too”.  Fortunately, these men are a small minority of sexists and douche-bags that are dying out….well….because who wants to fuck a Misogynist or a Manwhore?  No one.

And one thing you can count on is for those sorts of men to hang on to their idiotic mentality even as they hit 20, 30, 40, and 50 years old….and are still alone and childless.  They are the same ones we all see and hear who are SO PISSED about the current “Dating Market” (which I think is really lucrative for both men and women these days and have no complaints) and blame others for their constant failures with women.

Well, you get what you give.  And men who are whoring around, using women, lying and sleeping with multiple women, or are cheating on a spouse/long-term partner…..are men that no woman wants.

Now, of course if you want a respectful man who does NOT cheat on you or sleep around and bring his dirty-dick back home thinking any woman with sense or options would touch it…..you have to hold yourself to those same standards.

It doesn’t really matter who/what/how many partners a man or a woman has had before YOU.  All that matters is what they’re doing now….with you and ONLY you.

Most men and women who are attractive and have some “dating options” have had sex many many times and with many people by adulthood (usually early 20′s at the latest for either gender).  I know I have.


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Ladies, there is not a single reason to EVER disclose or even pretend to disclose (by lying) your number of previous partners.  The only kind of men who would even ask are sexists and are likely to be very backward and uneducated in their opinion of sexuality.  Most suffer from extreme insecurity and that is why they want a woman with a “low number” regardless of their OWN number.

It works the same with women.  There are women who demand to know her partner’s “amount” of partners…..but she doesn’t want to be judged on HER number.  Well, then the obvious answer is to not even CONSIDER asking a man his number and if he is rude/crude enough to ask you YOUR number, you make it clear that you would never disclose such personal information to any person including him.  And that you would never ask another person.

It is truly NONE of your business what a man/woman did or did not do before you.

What’s important is that you both don’t CARE about the past and are focused on each other and what your individual expectations in a partner are.  No matter how demanding you may think you are, as long as you lay down EXACTLY what you expect in a man immediately upon meeting him, you not only avoid wasting YOUR time with a man who doesn’t fit your criteria…..you don’t waste HIS time, either.

Ladies, you should never be going on “dates” with men who you already KNOW that you are not romantically interested in unless he is your friend or he knows that he is just “taking you out” (which many men do all the time out of generosity).

Women who appear to be gold-diggers and users typically are.  Men who appear to be manwhores and sexists usually are.

My number one *personal rule* is to never EVER date a man who is NOT willing to properly “court” you and pay for any and all dates.  I thought this was something that every man does and every woman requires until I started blogging and heard that there are evidently men who do NOT pay for dates!!

Sorry, ladies…..but a man who is NOT willing to take you on a proper date to show that he is interested in you as a person…..is a man who just wants to fuck you and spend as little money as possible.  If you are an attractive, educated woman with ANY income at all….you should NEVER tolerate this.  Men have far less to loss in the sexual marketplace than women do by engaging in “casual sex” with anyone who asks.  Women are still going to be the ones who are socially shamed (wrongfully) and are also going to be given ALL reproductive responsibility.

Men need to earn the rights to your body.  Whatever that means for you personally is what you should require.  You don’t beat around the bush, you tell them in a clear-cut manner and then let it go.  Some men will “pretend” they are SO DONE WITH YOU for demanding so much.  But most will stop playing the pouting game within 2 weeks of your completely cutting him off, ignoring him, and sticking to your guns.  He will come back and call/text you and either offer a compromise (that you can both agree with) or he will try to sleaze his way around your expectations verbally.

If he tries the latter, you get rid of him permanently.  A man who knows what your wishes are (in a partner) and tries to “trick you” out of sticking to those wishes….he’s not a nice guy or a quality man who cares about you.  Don’t give him the satisfaction of ever kissing you, touching you, or anything else until he has proven that he’s a man worth your time (or your body).

There are clear warning signs of men to avoid like the Plague and most are pretty obvious, but some men will try to talk you into and out of things and even express anger or other shows of “emotion” that immediately warn you that he lacks self-control and is likely to verbally abuse you, yell at you, try to tell you what to do, try to dictate your feelings/life, or at worst…..try to LIVE off of you while doing it!

Men who express “peacocking” in extremes, anger, violence, raise their voice regularly, are hot-tempered, or seem to “pout” when they don’t get their way…..are men to avoid for even a one-night stand if you’re desperate.

They are the ones most likely to either snap and turn into a jealous psycho that doesn’t want you to have “male friends” and doesn’t want you talking to exes, other women, family, etc.  This means he has very low self-esteem and also lacks normal discipline and impulse control.

Another warning sign to the “not paying for dates” (wants a free fuck and nothing more) and the “displays of rage/anger/emotion” is the man who wants to be cared for.

There is nothing wrong with mentally and physically helping your man out.   If you love him, you should want to help him and be a “team” with him.  However, if he wants to control you or wants you to “care for him” (liking picking up after him, doing his laundry, or other things that are something even children do for themselves) is a huge indicator that he’s a momma’s-boy, a sexist, and probably is never going to be able to equal whatever your income is…..let alone contribute around the house.

The biggest indicator of all, though is age in relation to what type of relationships a man has had.

If he’s 22, childless, lives at home, but is handsome and educated……that’s normal.  He’s good to date for most women that are 18-35.  Younger men typically prefer older women for romantic and sexual experiences.  Not significantly older, mind you…..but older.  Men like the experience and the confidence a slightly older woman as about her body, her sexuality, family/career, and of course intellect/maturity as well.

Basically….the more stable YOU are as woman in your job, your family status, your income, and your looks (sorry it’s true) the more likely YOU are to find a successful, intelligent, handsome, quality man.  Couples with higher educations statistically have much happier marriages, longer relationships, and better sex lives overall.  Couples where one person is lacking education/income typically are not nearly as happy and don’t last as long.

So that one is simple.  You can’t make demands on a man…..and offer nothing in return.  A woman should never EVER intermingle her finances in ANY way with her man unless they are legally married.  A woman should NEVER allow a man to pay for something other than perks and frivolous things (like dates and gifts and such).  Even if you are a wealthy woman and have paid a million and one times for your boyfriend (foolishly)…..you STILL do not ever accept even ONE DIME from a man toward your “bills” or your “home” or lifestyle.

That is the main powerbase for abusive men and cheating men.   They know that they are low-quality (for being abusers and cheaters) and they KNOW that a “quality woman” is never going to be with him (knowing what he is) so he uses the money…..ANY money as his “in” to start trying to lord things over your head, throw it back in your face later, or even GUILT you into staying with him or giving him sex for that one bill he paid 10 years ago.

Some men with more sexist views were quite used to getting women just by having money and having no looks, character, intelligence or actual important qualities.  Now that those days have been gone for about 60 years and the Census tells us that women have been the “higher earning partner” in most relationships for many, many years now.

Basically, we have no reason to EVER allow a man to involve himself in your finances.  When you have your own money…..you can just tell a person to “fuck off” when they piss you off.  When you’re financially dependent, you might be stuck with a bad seed for longer than you’d like.  No reasonably intelligent woman in today’s economy and society should even CONSIDER not having her own education, income, and savings before thinking about marriage.  And a woman should never allow a man to bring home all or most of the income because you are putting yourself at his mercy.

Also remember that a man who is quick to want to “be the provider” is also likely to want to have control and even attempt to dominate you.  Be wary of “too generous” men who call themselves “traditional”.  This usually means they think they can buy your love…..and that you’ll be grateful.

Don’t waste your time with those men.  They will turn into emotional, hysterical, jealous, possessive cling-ons who are constantly questioning you, wanting to see you, talking shit on your male-friends and ex-boyfriends, and basically controlling your life.

There is no reason why you would ever allow a man or woman to make decisions FOR you or bully you into agreeing with them.  That is not love or even “like”.  That is an Employer/Employee or Master/Dog relationship that is only for dimwits and rejects.

And last, men who have EVER cheated on a woman (who they were serious with) in their lives are men that you should be extremely cautious with….if considering them at all.  Once in their lifetime could be a mistake (although there is no excuse whatsoever for infidelity)….but any man who “was a cheater” before….will always be a cheater and is likely to think that it’s fine.  He will also be likely to bring home STD’s, AIDS, and cannot be trusted to share that information with you.

For me, personally….I would just never consider a man with even one black strike on his “fidelity” list simply because I have never cheated on a man in my life and see no excuse for it.  So I have no reason to tolerate even one transgression in a man regarding fidelity.  I am either the only woman he is talking to, having sex with, or thinking about…..or I’m gone.

Have respect for yourselves ladies.  You should be treated like a princess by your man.  He should respect you, open doors, pull out chairs, and be offended by the premise that you would pay for a date.  Chivalry is the only way men can even out the reproductive score (them having it easy and not having to bear children) and us being stuck with it whether we like it or not.  Paying for dates and acting like a gentlemen is the least they can do IF they care for you.

What else does a woman have to judge his interest on?  Remember, no matter HOW HOT the guy is….never ever have sex with him or do anything other than kiss/make out before he has courted you PROPERLY for at least 3 months.

Men will respect you for it and you are making sure that you don’t allow any slimebags who are extra-charming to trick you (because it’s probably not worth the bother to “lie” and pay for dates and sweet-talk you for 3 months if they know they’re not getting laid or getting anything other than a kiss/hug.

Three months is a very short time and any man who thinks that is “too long” and tries to push you to move faster or get out of earning your interest….is a less-douchey version of the man who “wants free pussy”.  He may like you a bit….but he isn’t willing to invest the time/effort to woo you and get to the “good stuff”.  If  he cannot handle a 3 month wooing period, he does NOT like you, will never LOVE you, and does not respect/appreciate  you as a woman, a potential partner, or as a person.

These things should all be deal-breakers that are obvious for women who are NOT doing the same things themselves (such as trying to get expensive vacations, expensive gifts, or extravagant dates out of a man) or a woman who is a cheater herself.  If you’re mistreating and abusing men, then you are not “high quality” and have no business demanding these standards in men until you change them for yourselves, first.

The same goes for men.  If he wants a good, quality woman he will keep his dick in his pants, respect you, woo you, and show his appreciation for you in a normal manner (such as described above) as most men already do.

The good news, ladies is that most men ARE good men.  Most are chivalrous, most are fair, most are respectful and are not manwhores.  But there are still those old sexists and young men who don’t understand women….who will do everything in their power to live a “do as I say and not as I do” lifestyle.  These men are few and far between and they are pretty easy to spot after a few conversations (most just can’t resist letting the “nasty” out of the bag for long) but you must always be aware, watch his body language and tone NOT his words, and pay attention to the way he treats his mother.

However he feels about his mother and however he treats her as an adult man is EXACTLY how he will “feel” about women in general and is also the same way he will treat you.  I know it sounds old and cliche, but the more I apply it to men I date and pay attention…..the more accurate it proves to be over and over again.

Ladies, take the last bit literally.  The moment you see scorn or contempt on his face for his own mother…..you already know what he is.

*PS:  This is why you should make sure you are casually asking questions about his “parents” on the first few dates.  The simplest face expression when talking about his mother (even a brief instant) tells you everything you need to know about him, how he’ll treat you, and even what his previous relationships have been like.  I know it seems cruel, but there is nothing a woman can do to change a man who has ill feelings toward his mother (unwarranted ones, I mean of course).  When you see it, walk away immediately and you’ll be shocked how dead-on you are about them based on that alone.*

But I’ll say it again:  The number one thing is that you get what you give and you cannot make demands that you cannot live up to yourself as a woman!  That’s hateful and abusive toward the man you’re supposed to like and there is NO excuse!  Don’t make women the new “Sexists” please, ladies!